Press Conference

"Did you smoke pot?"

"Do I look like it?"

"Did you have sex?"

"Young lady. It is so obvious to me you are having sex thoughts. I don't blame you. That is how you were born."

"Did you declare war?"

"War on poverty."

"Do you plan to seek reelection?"

"Plans are made in heaven."

"You look a little down in the polls."

"I have nowhere to go but up."

"How are your parents?"

"Godwilling, they are fine."

"Do you believe in God?"

"I am pro-choice."

"How much sugar do you like with your tea?"

"That is private."

Man, Women Are Weird

When you say hello, they feel bothered. When you don't say hello, they feel ignored. When you talk, you are hogging the space, you are not listening. When you listen, you can't talk, they do all the talking. When you say sorry to make feel good, you just proved you were wrong, and you made a big mistake, when you made none. When you don't say sorry, you have a problem with admitting, and you don't care about feelings. When you go party, you are a party boy. When you don't party, you are some loone.

Man, women are weird.

When you offer an icecream, don't you know summer is over? The coffee is too hot. When you dress up, you are trying too hard. When you dress down, you are coming too fast. And there are problems with your shaving cream.

They reject and feel rejected. They befriend and feel the pain of too much attention. And then they are just plain gone.

But why did you drop the ball?